Start with one purpose: a particular scene, an interest inventory, or a broader relationship discussion. Answers become confusing when one person is marking what they might enjoy someday and the other is marking what they want tonight. Write the purpose and time frame at the top.

People can complete the list separately before comparing it or work through it together. Separate answers can reduce the urge to mirror a partner. A shared pass makes clarification easier. Either way, no one has to answer every item or disclose a private history in order to use the list.

This page's checklist has 31 prompts covering roles and mood, activities and sensations, conditions, the scene plan, and the ending. It is deliberately shorter than an encyclopaedic kink inventory. Scarleteen's Yes, No, Maybe list, for example, is a broad self-evaluation that its authors describe as a snapshot and a starting point for conversation. Choose the tool that fits the conversation rather than treating length as thoroughness.

A quiz result can supply possible topics, but do not import it as an answer. "High interest in bondage" still leaves the form, position, duration, role, intensity, equipment, and conditions undecided.

Yes means the person is interested in discussing that item for the stated time frame. It is not a blank cheque for every version. Add giver or receiver, intensity, body area, mood, and any condition that matters.

No means leave the item out of the stated time frame. Maybe means the person is genuinely undecided or wants information before answering. Needs context means the answer already changes with a named condition. "Maybe about canes until I know how they feel" is uncertainty. "Yes to marks below clothing, no to visible marks" is a context rule.

The interactive checklist has four marks and also allows an item to remain unanswered. Broader inventories sometimes add I don't know, fantasy only, and not applicable. If one of those is more accurate, leave the browser item unanswered and say why during the comparison, or write the extra label on a printed copy. An arousing fantasy does not have to become a Maybe about doing it.

• Yes: interested in a defined version
• No: outside the stated time frame
• Maybe: undecided or missing information
• Needs context: answer depends on a condition named in the conversation
• Unanswered: not applicable, unknown, private, or better described in the conversation

Compare matching yes answers first. Then read every condition attached to them. If one person says yes to impact play with a hand over clothes and the other says yes to caning, the shared category is not yet a shared activity. The narrower stated version sets the available overlap unless that person freely chooses something else later.

A yes and a maybe produce a maybe, not a partial yes. A yes and a no produce a no for the shared plan. Two maybes create a research or conversation topic, not an activity to add by default. This avoids treating enthusiasm as a vote that outweighs hesitation.

Compatibility is not the number of matching boxes. One deeply wanted shared activity may matter more than twenty mild overlaps. A mismatch may be easy to omit, central to someone's sexuality, or useful only as fantasy. Discuss significance rather than scoring quantity.

A category box cannot show whether two people mean the same thing. "Humiliation" might mean a particular name in private to one person and public embarrassment to another. Ask what the activity would look and sound like, which parts are appealing, and which version produced the answer.

A general list also cannot supply the questions unique to every activity. TheDuchy's general negotiation guide makes this distinction explicitly: its broad questions still need rope-specific detail for a rope scene. The same principle applies elsewhere. Use the dedicated guide, equipment instructions, or an appropriate educator for the activity under discussion.

Finally, the checklist cannot tell whether an answer was guessed, copied from a previous relationship, or based on a term the person does not recognise. It cannot assess technique or predict how someone will feel in the scene. Treat unexplained boxes as prompts, not findings.

For each activity that remains in the plan, name who gives and receives, what tools or body parts are involved, where it happens on the body, the starting intensity, the maximum intensity, and the expected duration. Add the emotional frame: playful, formal, nurturing, stern, humiliating, competitive, or something else. A conversation-analysis study of seven recorded pre-scene negotiations found four recurring, overlapping areas: style, body, limits, and safewords. They are a useful audit of a plan, though the small study was not a universal checklist.

Translate category nouns into scene sentences. "Impact play" might become "hand spanking over underwear, receiving, playful, beginning light and staying below a stated maximum, with no visible marks". "Humiliation" might become one agreed name during a private roleplay, while comments about appearance, intelligence, family, and work remain out. Specific wording exposes differences that matching boxes hide.

Describe the aftermath that matters. Visible marks, soreness, hair or makeup changes, scents, noise, cleanup, clothing, work the next day, and travel home can change an answer. These are not side issues when they determine whether the experience fits someone's life.

The NCSF negotiation guide separates intentions from the activity list, then asks about roles, experience, observers, new equipment, intensity, marks, care, and relevant health facts. That order is useful: first name the experience people want, then test whether the proposed details can produce it.

If the activity has a specific physical consequence, leave the technique discussion to its dedicated guide or an appropriate educator. The checklist should record the decision and source, not improvise medical or equipment instructions.

Write the stop word or signal exactly as it will be used and what the other person will do when they receive it. If yellow means pause and talk, say that. If speech may be restricted, record the nonverbal signal and test it in the planned position before beginning.

Keep pause, change, and stop separate. "Less force" changes one variable. Yellow might pause the action while the scene continues after a check-in. Red ends the activity. If the words have different meanings in your scene, write those meanings rather than relying on colour names alone.

Add ordinary check-ins where they help. A new partner might want direct questions. Familiar partners may use a scale, colour, hand squeeze, or sentence that fits the scene. No signal removes the need to notice an unexpected loss of responsiveness or a clear request to stop. NCSF's consent-to-kink practices call for an agreed word or signal and a shared understanding of desires, boundaries, and everyone involved.

Decide which changes can happen without a new conversation. Improvising rhythm inside an agreed range is different from adding a new activity, person, recording device, or body area. Put the boundary around improvisation into words.

Discuss the people involved, any observers, privacy, location, time window, transport, sobriety expectations, and how to end the gathering. Share health information that affects the proposed activity or emergency response. This is not a request for a complete medical history.

Relevant information could be an allergy to a material in use, a medicine that changes bleeding, an injury affected by the position, fainting history, an implanted device relevant to electrical stimulation, or a panic response linked to a specific trigger. If a fact requires clinical interpretation, get that interpretation from a clinician rather than asking a partner to guess.

For toys that touch genitals or body fluids, decide who provides them, how they are cleaned or covered, and whether they are shared. For any recording or photography, agreement about capture, storage, access, sharing, and deletion needs its own explicit discussion.

Ask what each person wants immediately after the scene. Answers may involve touch, quiet, water, food, a blanket, practical cleanup, reassurance, sleep, or space. People in directing and receiving roles can both have preferences.

Set a follow-up time if either person wants one. Immediate reactions do not always capture how the experience lands later. A next-day message can cover physical effects, emotional response, what worked, what should change, and whether any part remains unresolved.

Aftercare does not replace first aid or medical assessment. If the scene has a concrete injury or exposure, respond to that issue directly and use the activity-specific guidance.

Complete the checklist for a named time frame, compare answers, and keep only the actual overlap. Talk through every answer marked Needs context rather than treating the label as the condition itself. You can print the marked checklist or keep the browser tab open while you talk.

Treat a printed copy or screenshot as sensitive personal information. Share it only with the people you choose, and destroy or delete old copies when they no longer reflect what you want. A screenshot sent to someone is no longer under the checklist's control.

After comparing, write a short scene summary in ordinary sentences. It should name the central activity, role, range, exclusions, stop system, ending, and any fact that changes the plan. If the summary contains an unresolved maybe, the activity stays out for now.

A list is a snapshot. Update it after a meaningful experience, a health change, a new relationship, a long gap, or a shift in the planned activity. Do not use an old sheet to overrule a current answer.

The needed depth is contextual. A 2025 study of 202 BDSM practitioners found strong consent-communication norms overall and greater acceptance of flexible practices in romantic relationships than in pick-up play. That finding describes the participants' judgements; it does not turn relationship length into proof that two people share an understanding.

For familiar low-consequence play, a brief update may be enough: still yes, still no, anything different today? For new equipment, new people, higher intensity, recording, public settings, or higher-consequence activities, return to the relevant sections in detail.